A Million “What if’s”: Hesitation, Doubt, and Resistance in the Therapy Room
Your psychotherapy sessions are supposed to be a place and time just for you, an opportunity to reflect, to learn more about yourself, explore different perspectives, work through things, or feel feelings that have previously been hard to feel. Most of us understand this going into the process. Yet the cognitive understanding of what is “supposed” to take place in the therapy room and the felt reality of sitting in front of a stranger and trying to share what’s on your heart can feel like two entirely different experiences. If your mind is anything like how mine is in therapy, it might be running amok with questions like:
What if I tell my therapist something and they judge me for it?
What if I share something and they think I’m a horrible person?
What if I’m not supposed to feel this way?
What if I’m “too much”?
What if I’m supposed to be over this already?
What if I’m boring them?
What if they think I’m too negative?
What if I’m not ready to talk about what’s really bothering me?
Etc. Etc. Etc.
What I wish I knew when I started my therapy journey was how normal those “what if’s” are at the start of (and also right through the process of) working with a psychotherapist. Because these wonderings are almost inevitable to come up internally as you work, it can be helpful to share them with your therapist as you feel comfortable, which could sound something like these:
“I want to share something with you but I’m afraid you’ll judge me for it.”
“I want to share something with you but I’m not sure I’m ready to.”
“I worry that if I share my truth about something, you’ll tell me that my feelings are wrong or silly.”
“I want to tell you what’s going on but I’m afraid it will overwhelm you.”
“I want to tell you what’s going on but I’m afraid it will overwhelm me.”
“I’m still feeling xyz even though we’ve been working on it for a year, and I’m afraid you think I should be over it by now.”
“I want to talk about xyz again but I’m afraid you’re getting bored with me.”
“I want to talk about xyz, but I’m feeling some shame about it.”
Etc. Etc. Etc.
As a therapist, these moments of honesty are precious, and can be pivotal to deepening our work together. I am always appreciative when a client feels comfortable enough to let me know when hesitation, doubt or resistance are present with me, as Gestalt therapy takes the approach of honouring these internal flags as an important part of a client’s internal support system. Trying to power through, pretending that we are more comfortable than we are, is rarely as effective as allowing time for our confidence in the therapeutic process to slowly develop over time, at a speed that feels real. Of course, if you notice that you consistently feel uncomfortable or unseen/unheard/missed by a therapist, it is also important to listen to those feelings as that therapist may not be the best fit.
Curious about working together? Contact me today for your free 30-minute online consult and see if Gestalt psychotherapy is right for you.
